Um... hello?

  Hello? Can anyone hear me?

  Hello?

  Um...

  Okay, this is so stupid. I don't even know if this is working. Ah, well... it's worth a try, at least.

  I'm going to just go ahead and assume someone is able to pick this up. These fourth-wall breaking powers have to be good for something, right? Assuming they're real and that I can even use them, that is.

  Okay, I should probably start at the beginning.

  Hi. I'm a perfectly normal human person. And, for some reason, I'm also Pinkie Pie. Let me explain...

  Okay, no, I can't explain. I have no idea how this happened. I was just out shopping one day at a local Target store, getting some light bulbs and garbage bags... that kind of thing. I was walking past the home furnishing section, idly thinking about visiting the "pink" aisle to see if they had any new pony stuff. I glanced at a mirror that was on display and I froze with shock, because I saw a very startled-looking and familiar pink pony staring back at me.

  I blinked, and then there was this weird shifting feeling. When I opened my eyes again, I saw my own face staring back at me, but I sure as heck wasn't in Target anymore. I blinked again, and when I opened my eyes, my face was gone, and the mirror once again showed the face of a very confused-looking Pinkie Pie.

  So, okay. That's incredibly weird, and I'm obviously hallucinating, right? I had ponies on the brain, and now I had some sort of mental breakdown. I've gone loco in the coco, and I'm really lying on the floor in the aisle at Target, probably foaming at the mouth and gurgling the My Little Pony theme.

  But it sure didn't feel that way. Too many sensations. I could smell the room, kind of a dusty smell, with just a hint of girly perfumes and such, but also I could smell bakery wafting up from below. Cookies, cupcakes, cakes, that kind of thing. I could hear muffled voices coming from outside. There was no dream-like shifting of items that I could see, and I could feel the hard wooden floor underneath my rump.

  What really freaked me out was the faint taste of frosting in my mouth. I wouldn't have imagined that, I knew. That was something that never would have occurred to me to make up, if I'd been hallucinating or having a stroke or whatever. So, unable to process what was happening, I just sat there. I don't know how long, but I sat there on my unfamiliar pink and fuzzy butt, just staring into the mirror with wide blue eyes, trying to deny that this was happening at all.

  And then a drop of sweat rolled into one of those eyes, and stung like the dickens. I finally started blinking again, and it started sinking in that this was real. But it couldn't be real. But it was real. But it couldn't be...

  Have you ever seen those old sci-fi shows where they trick the evil androids/robots/killer computers with logic puzzles and that eventually causes their poor electronic brains to explode? That's kind of how I felt, staring at this strange but familiar face in the mirror.

  Luckily, my brain didn't explode. I didn't faint, either, which is what normally happens when really weird things happen to characters in stories that I read. Instead, I just went kind of numb and tried to stand up. I had to see if I was actually in Ponyville, because I was definitely in Pinkie's room. I remember it from the show, and this was definitely it. There was even a little toothless alligator staring at me enigmatically.

  Walking on four legs is hard, and I stumbled a little on my way to the window. Not too badly, and I managed to not fall down, but I wouldn't be winning any races soon. I can't begin to tell you how freaky it was, feeling unfamiliar muscles and bones shifting under my coat. Completely surreal.

  And walking on hooves? Forget it! I've never felt anything like that. No, it's not like walking on tiptoes, or not exactly. Also, I figured hooves were hard, clunky things, and would feel a little like wearing really thick boots. But no, I could actually feel the wood floor under me. It turns out that the soft part of the hoof, which I found out is called the frog, is pretty sensitive. At least on Pinkie's hooves. Oh, and when you put your weight on them, the hooves spread out a little. That was... really weird, feeling that.

  I got to the window, pushed it open, and propped myself awkwardly up on the sill. Yup, I was in Ponyville, all right. You wanna know how I knew? There were multicolored pastel ponies every-fricken-where I looked, talking, laughing, playing...

  Dang.

  If you've seen the show, you know what I'm talking about. The buildings all looked like something out of an olde-timey village, mostly white on the outsides of the buildings, most of them with thatched roofs. The trim was in all sorts of pastels, pinks being prevalent, but also greens, blues, and purples. It was gorgeous, it was nostalgic, and it scared the living daylights out of me!

  I slid back down on my rump with my back to the wall, panting for breath. Dangit, I only wanted to do some shopping, and now I'm in Ponyville, and I'm Pinkie Pie! And I don't even have my light bulbs, which was the whole reason I went shopping in the first place!

  And then a small voice in my head said, At least you're not Twilight Sparkle.

  Why is that? I asked the voice in my head, I really like Twilight Sparkle!

  That's right, voice in my head! Don't you mess with Twilightlicious! But that inner voice wasn't phased in the least.  

  Because Twilight is probably the only one who can figure out what happened and how to get you home, it said reasonably. And darn it if it wasn't right.

  I sat there for a few minutes, back against the wall and hind legs splayed out in front of me, thinking about what I was going to do, what I could say, how many things would probably go wrong when I told Twilight that I was an alien being inside of her friend's body. A weird sucking noise interrupted my concentration, and I glanced down to see some weird green thing glomped onto one of my hooves!

  "Gah!" I said, which was not the most eloquent thing in the world, but it got my point across. I kicked my leg by reflex, and the weird green thing (which, obviously, was Gummy the toothless alligator) went flying. I gasped, not wanting to hurt the little guy, but he arced gently through the air and landed on Pinkie's bed. I stared at him, concerned, and he stared back, blinking one eye and then the other.

  I was pretty sure he was fine.

  Anyway, my new voice had caught my attention. So, I said it again. "Gah." Hmm. Weird.

"Gah. Gah! Gah gah gah. Gaaaaah! Gaaaagaaaahhhhhahahahaaaa!"

  "Everything okay, dearie?" a voice asked suddenly.

  "GAH!" I replied.

  I jumped and looked towards the stairs coming up to the room. Mrs. Cake had her head poked up just high enough to look into the room, and was looking at me with a mixture of concern and amusement.

  "Oh! Ah! Um..." I said. Magnificent, aren't I? "I'm just... um. Practicing making noises!"

  I threw a panicked grin at her, she smiled back, and then she went back downstairs. I'm 110% sure she was thinking something along the lines of 'oh, that Pinkie is so random!'

  Anyway, my voice sounded like you'd think it would. All Andrea Libman-like and high-pitched. A girly voice. Which meant, by the way, hip-hip-hooray, that I am now a girl. Or a mare. A mare pony. A pink girl mare pony thing and oh my god I'm freaking out and...

  Okay, okay, sorry about that. That still happens sometimes. Anyway, as upsetting as it was, the loss of genitalia really comes in a distant second when compared to the loss of humanity in general. Trust me on that.  

  I'm pretty sure I don't have to describe what I look like. Or, I don't know. Maybe I do. I'm under the assumption that, if I'm breaking the fourth wall at all, I'm reaching fellow bronies, but maybe that's not the case? Maybe I'm reaching some little girl somewhere who's a fan of the show, in which case... er... sorry about mentioning genitalia, my bad. Forget I said anything, okay?

  Mental note: stop mentioning genitals, in case of kids.

  Or, maybe the people I'm reaching aren't bronies or fans at all. Hopefully, you're at least humans. If you're aliens, then I really really hope you're not the abducting/probing kind of aliens, because, honestly, this has been upsetting enough already. Actually, the face-hugging kind would be a lot worse. If you're creepy face-hugging probe aliens, please don't bother trying to help me, I'll be just fine.

  Ah. A tangent. Sorry about that. I don't know if it's my Pinkie brain or what, but I seem to go off onto weird tangents all the time, now.

  Where was I? Oh. Descriptions. Okay, I'm a pony. Specifically, I'm a pink one, as bright a pink as you can imagine all over my body. My darker pink mane and tail are a tangled mess, thick and poofy, the hair seeming to have a life of its own.

  I think I mentioned earlier that my eyes are blue, but they're also huge. Big baby blue eyes. They look so innocent, but that's just so wrong. No way am I innocent enough to deserve those eyes! I'm an adult male human, for goodness sake! I've done naughty stuff with ladies, and everything!

  Man, I already forgot that I might be reaching kids. Okay, brain, stop thinking about naughty stuff!

  Oh, whoops. Heheh, sorry about that. I really hope none of that came across the fourth wall. It's a little like trying to not think about elephants, and then all you can think about are elephants, you know?

  Okay, moving on, and hopefully putting that embarrassing incident behind me...

  I had seen Pinkie Pie in cartoons, and in the cartoon her body is a uniform color, but that's not really the case in... well, for lack of a better term, let's call this "real life", okay? Let's not get bogged down in details. Her coat... my coat... whatever, it was only a uniform pink when looked at from a distance. The individual hairs were mostly bright pink, but there were also some different shades of it mixed in, from light to dark pink. There were even some hairs that were almost pure white in there, though not many.

  The exception was the cutie mark, which was three balloons on each of my hips. Each mark had two blue and one yellow balloon, and the actual hairs are tinted those colors. It's... kind of cool, actually.

  Also, my... her... hooves are a slightly darker shade than the coat. The outer wall of them was hard, like I expected, but the bottom of the hooves were... weird. Okay, first of all, as a pony, I shouldn't be able to look at the bottom of my hooves, right? Forget about that, okay? Ponies around here can do all sorts of ridiculous things, and being able to look at the bottoms of their hooves are amongst the least crazy things I've seen since I got here.

  I went off on a tangent again, sorry.

  Anyway, there's a part behind that outer wall that's kind of spongy and weird, and then there's the frog, which is kind of a triangle of of soft, pink (of course) tissue. I don't know if that's a magical pony thing or not, because I can't imagine horses from my world having soft tissue like that on their hooves. But that's what Pinkie's are like.

  Enough with the descriptions. If you've never seen the show, then it's enough to know I'm a magical pink pony in an enchanted land full of other magical ponies.

  The funny thing (ha, ha, I'm laughing) is that I always wanted to come here. I just wanted to come here, you know, in my own actual body. Not in Pinkie Pie's body. So, deciding to listen to that one voice in my head, I thought it was high time I went to find Twilight Sparkle.

  Like I needed a reason for that. She's my fave pony, after all.

  Still, if anyone (or anypony, as they say it here) could figure out what's going on with me, I figured that it would be the super-brainy nerdalicious magical prodigy who... who...

  Who lives in a library inside a tree? Twi~light Spar~kle!

  Sorry, I had the Spongebob Squarepants theme in my head, there. Oh, god, I think Pinkie's brain is infecting me with the crazies!

  Okay, I'm going to have to lie down for a while. I'll get back to telling you my story soon, once the crazies have died down a little bit.

Sorry about that

  I have those little breakdowns sometimes, even still. It just gets to me, you know? I mean, it was a fantasy of mine to come here, yeah, but still... When your sense of what's real and make believe get mixed up like this, it's really hard to keep calm and carry on, you know what I mean?

  Anyway, back to my story, I guess. As I was saying, I decided to go see Twilight Sparkle. This didn't happen quickly, oh no. It took me probably about a half an hour to make that decision, and probably another half an hour to get over the hammering in my chest to finally even try to venture forth.

  I got up walked over to the staircase and carefully (hooves and four legs remember?) made my way down the stairs onto the second floor of, you guessed it, Sugarcube Corner. This floor was where the Cakes lived, the Mister and the Missus and, oh yes, the twins. I forgot about the twins until I walked past an open door to what was, presumably, the nursery. Where Mrs. Cake was... well, to put it bluntly, nursing. The babies. In the nursery.

  Both of 'em at once. Gotta hand it to her, that takes skill.

  So, like I said, nursing. Mrs. Cake saw me staring and must have taken my look of sheer horror as approval or happiness to see the babies (they are cute, I'll give them that), because she smiled and waved at me. I tore my eyes from the unsettling spectacle and smiled weakly back. I mumbled something about going to go see Twilight, and Mrs. Cake nodded, probably too engrossed with doing mom stuff to really listen to or care about anything I said.

  I shakily made my way to the first floor, waved to Mr. Cake, almost passed out again from the sheer surrealism of the whole thing, and then walked up to the door.

  That door. It intimidated me greatly! Once I opened it, I would be out of the relative safety of Sugarcube Corner, which was a weird, but at least somewhat familiar, place.

  On the other side of that door were ponies. Lots and lots of multicolored, happy little ponies. The thought was pretty scary, actually. I'd be exposed, out in the open. I hesitated... and then I remembered that on this side of the door was a lactating Mrs. Cake. Suddenly things seemed so much easier!

  I pushed the door open and took my first steps into Ponyville proper. It wasn't as weird as I thought it would be, really. Kind of like walking into a Renaissance Festival, only with colorful talking ponies instead of guys in tights and women dressed as wenches.

  I miss the wenches. Oh, right. No naughty thoughts. Sorry.

  I started walking down the (dirt) road, making good time before I stopped and realized that I had absolutely no idea where I was going. I looked around, trying to see a tree sticking up above the rooftops and completely unable to spot it. I did see lots of familiar faces, though. Or rather, familiar manes, coats, tails and cutie marks, because the faces were pretty much all the same in the cartoon, right?

  Over there, standing in a stall and selling produce, was Carrot Top. Or was she really Golden Harvest? Or... actually, was it either one? Who said that Hasbro got any of the names right, let alone the fandom! I started freaking out a little bit, realizing that I was in a town full of ponies who probably knew what my name was (or thought they did), but I couldn't be sure that I knew any of theirs!

  That little unicorn over there... I'm pretty sure her real name isn't Colgate or Romana, but she's standing there waving and smiling at me like we're old buddies! We probably are old buddies! I waved back, hoping she wouldn't come over and talk to me, but, thankfully, she just went along her way.

  And the little lavender filly with the blond mane? Sure, she's tiny, but is she really Dinky? And those two colts over there, kicking a ball back and forth... sure, their cutie marks were right, but were they really Snips and Snails? I mean... Snails. Who would name their kid that?

  I wondered desperately what to do about the whole name dilemma as I watched the colts kick that ball around. And then it hit me.

  "Ouch," I said, rubbing my muzzle as the ball bounced away.

  "Oh, sorry about that Miss Pie!" little Snips (?) said, running up with an apologetic look on his face.

  Okay, it was time for the first episode of 'What would Pinkie Pie do?'

  "Oh, that's... super... terrific...ly fine... diddley-ine?"

  Argh, no, that's not Pinkie Pie, that's Ned Flanders! And it was awful. Just awful. I'm so sorry.

  What I did next was worse, though. I mean, it seemed pure genius at the time, but honestly, it's the boneheadedest idea you can even imagine.

  "But I think that blow to the noggin gave me temporary amnesia!" I said, "So, quick, tell me what your name is!"

  See? I wasn't kidding, that was pretty dumb.

  "Um... It's Snips, Miss Pie," the colt said, giving me the look that intelligent life everywhere reserves for crazy people. "And he's Snails," he continued, nodding towards his friend, who was busy staring vacantly at the side of a building.

  Huh. Somepony really did name their kid that. Anyway, that's awesome! Two down, a few hundred to go!

  "Right! Of course! And... which way to the library, Snips?" This time, it was a good idea. I mean, I'd already convinced him that I was crazy, so why not get some info, right?

  The little pudgy unicorn pointed with a hoof. Back the way I came. Great.

  "Thanks, Snips!" I said, some honest cheer in my voice. I turned and walked back the way he'd pointed.

  I was actually feeling pretty good right then. Actually, I think "relieved" would be a more appropriate word, since I was suddenly feeling a lot less stress. So, with my mood pendulum swinging from "terrified" over to "happy", I started humming to myself as I walked along.

  Then I thought it would be cool if I had my hoofbeats match the rhythm of the song I was humming. It took a little while to figure out how to do that without tripping over my own legs, but I got it down eventually.

  So, there I was, humming to myself and walking down the street, and suddenly the lyrics of the song I was humming popped up into my head.

  My name is Pinkie Pie, and I am here to say...

  Oh dear. I was humming the tune to the Smile song. I sure hope it was just my imagination that made it feel like something was building up around me, a sort of energy, as if I were directly underneath a rapidly-developing thunderstorm.

  I came to a dead stop and heard a big ruckus behind me.  My blood ran cold. I cranked my head around very slowly, dreading what I would see back there.

  Behind me were about two dozen colorful ponies, all jumbled together from stopping too quickly, and all looking at me with big grins and bright, expectant eyes.

  Oh dear lord, they were about to break into an impromptu musical number right behind me!! I looked at them and said the first thing that came to my mind, which was "Aaaaagh!"

  And then I ran away, leaving a bunch of very bewildered ponies in my wake.

  I have to tell you, they really didn't exaggerate Pinkie's abilities at all on the show. Man, when she wants to, this pony can really move! Buildings flew by on either side of me as I ran in a blind panic. I'll throw in some standard descriptive language, so you get the idea: thundering hooves, flashing limbs, wind in my mane, tail streaming behind me, all that kind of stuff that translates to "pony runs really fast!"

  Naturally, once I calmed down a little, I realized that I was thoroughly lost once again. I found myself in one of the random parks you see on the show from time to time, this one with a fountain in it that had a statue of some unnamed pony, wearing a saddle and rearing up on her hind legs.

  Mood pendulum swing time again, and I was back to being a little on the pensive and moody side, so I sat under a nearby tree to catch my breath. I wasn't up to facing the town again, not quite yet, so I just tried to relax and get myself under some semblance of control.

  Okay. Mental note: No more singing while I'm Pinkie Pie, weird things happen.

  I sat there for... gosh, I don't know, maybe twenty minutes? Then my brain started calming down a little, and I started thinking clearly again. Well, okay, not clearly so much as more clearly than I had been before.

  As I was sitting there, the little voice in my head popped up once again, saying, If you're both new in town and Pinkie Pie, doesn't that mean you have to throw yourself a party?

  That struck me as absurdly funny, and the next thing I knew I was literally rolling on the ground, laughing hysterically. I also experienced a new sensation, something I'd never done as a human: the legendary giggle-snort!

  It probably wouldn't have been so funny if I hadn't been so down a couple minutes beforehand. Hoof. Beforehoof. Whatever, you know what I mean.

  Anyway, once the giggles died down, I got back up, feeling a lot better. Well, except that I was thirsty, so I drank a little water from the basin by the hooves of the pony statue, which, bleh, tasted pretty bad, but at least got rid of the last of that frosting taste in my mouth. Thinking that I was tasting what Pinkie had been eating before I got stuck in her body was more than a little freaky.

  Then I noticed a drinking fountain nearby, and face-hoofed myself for drinking the bad water instead.

  Okay, I say this with all sincerity, guys (or gals? or... whatever you potential aliens are?). If you ever find yourselves with hooves at the ends of your forearms, be very careful with face-hoofing! For serious, I knocked myself a good one and almost blacked out. I ended up with a decent-sized lump on my head, which... well, I guess it would help with any further amnesia stories, right?

  So, it's not all bad. Right?

  Okay, so once I got done smacking myself in the face, I drank some more water, this time from the drinking fountain, which tasted much better.

  Then I walked back into town sedately. No singing, no humming, no nothing. Darned crazy musical ponies!

  I wandered for a while, figuring I'd run into the tree-brary eventually. Ponyville isn't that big, right? That's what I thought, at least. But really, Ponyville is huge, at least when you have no idea where you are. I walked past Carousel Boutique like, five times, all by accident, without seeing any other familiar landmarks.

  Finally, I found myself back at Sugarcube Corner. Snips and Snails were still there, kicking that ball around, and Snips was giving me the googly-eye, probably wondering what other crazy stuff was going to come out of my mouth.

  But now that I (kinda) knew where I was, it was time to go to the library!

  And I would have made it, too, if it weren't for...

  Oh, whoops, gotta go. Sorry, I've got some visitors, and it's really hard to keep concentrating on this fourth-wall stuff while talking to other people. Let's pick this up in a little while, okay?

Now, where was I?

   Oh, right. Still on my way to the library. If it seems like it's taking forever for me to get to the part where I got to the library, then trust me, it seemed like a lot longer to me!

  Okay, I was at Sugarcube Corner, and I kinda-sorta knew which direction to go in to get to the library, since Snips had pointed the way. I started walking, keeping my head down, pretending like I was deep in thought or something. Well, I didn't have to pretend too hard, because I really was deep in thought!

  I mean, it occurred to me that it might be harder than I thought to convince people that I was really a human who'd somehow gotten zapped into Pinkie's body, because pretty much any general weirdness I did would have people going, "Oh, she's just being Pinkie Pie."

  Maybe you should test that theory out? the little voice in my head suggested.

  Well, what the heck. It's not like I had anything better to do, right? It would mean that I got a lot of attention, but what the heck. I was getting desperate. If I couldn't convince anypony, I'd be stuck here...

  Foreverrrr!

  So I got up on a nearby rain-barrel. Pinkie probably could have just bounced up on top of it, but I had to clamber up onto it awkwardly. When I finally made it up there, I looked around and saw that I was near a market place, and there were ponies all over. Mostly shopping, but there were a few sitting outside of a cafe, eating and talking.

  This place was perfect for a little test of my theory. I stood up on my hind legs (wobbling more than a little bit), filled my lungs up, and started shouting:

  "Everypony, can I have your attention, please! This is really, really, super-rifically important!"

  All the ponies within ear-shot looked at me, some with curiosity and others with an 'oh, great, here we go again' kind of expression. I ignored all that, and continued on.

  "Now that I have your attention... I am not Pinkie Pie! I may look like her, but I'm really an alien who got stuck inside her brain!"

  Reactions were... mixed. Some ponies rolled their eyes, others laughed, some just shrugged. But every single one of them just went on about their business as if nothing had happened.

  Every. Single. One.

  Well, except one.

  "Well, that explains a lot," a pony that may or may not have been named Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes.

  "I really mean it!" I shouted, ignoring her. "I'm not Pinkie Pie! I'm actually an-"

  "An embarrassment, is what you are," another voice said, and I looked down to see a frowning Applejack looking up at me. "Now, get down from there an' stop all this foolin' around. Ah got apples t' sell."

  I hopped, or rather faceplanted, off of the rain-barrel, and an embarrassed-looking AJ helped me up to my hooves.

  "Applejack! You gotta believe me!" I said to her, after spitting out a mouthful of dirt. "I really have been taken over by an alien!"

  Wait, why did I put it that way?

  "I mean, I really am an alien who's taken over Pinkie Pie!"

  Argh, that made it sound like I did it on purpose, and probably for evil reasons!

  "I mean, I was a normal alien who all of a sudden got stuck in Pinkie Pie's body for no good reason, and I want to go back!"

  Applejack was looking at me dubiously.

  "Ah dunno, you seem like the same ol' Pinkie to me," she said. "In any case, yer scarin' off customers, so why don't ya go play at bein' an alien somewhere else?"

  I sighed, dejected. If the Element of Honesty herself didn't believe me... Well, it made me pretty sad. I moped my way out of the marketplace, convinced that my theory was correct. There probably wasn't anything that I could do that would be too crazy for ponies to be able to pass off as me 'just being Pinkie Pie'.

  Then a couple of realizations hit me all at once.

  First, holy cow, I just met Applejack! That's so cool! Of course, she just scolded me, but still! Fanboy squeal time!

  Second... why did I say "super-rifically"?

  That second one really just scared me. I've never said "super-rifically" ever in my life before! It's not even a word!

  I mean, I used to make up words sometimes, but that was when I was a little kid. Little kids don't really know how language works, right? So, they'll make words in ways that kinda-sorta seem to follow the rules, but aren't actually words, and they'll make adverbs up like nobody's business. I remember, this one time I said "bigly", and my mom thought it was the funniest thing, ever. She told everyone about that! So, then it was "bigly" this, and "bigly" that, for, like, a month!

  Heck, my one aunt even put that on a birthday card once, years later! She wrote, "I would have gotten you a biglier one, but this was the bigliest they had."

  I mean, I had made up the word because of a limited vocabulary, and here they were, making fun of me for it! And she didn't even use it right! "Bigly" was a adverb, not an adjective! As in, "the balloon got blown up bigly", not "it was a bigly balloon"!

  Man, that was the worst birthday party, ever! I didn't even get the right Transformers! They got me some weird, cheap knockoffs. I mean, a transforming robot not-quite-Volkswagen bug named "Buddy Bee?" What kind of insanity is that? I mean, I tried to be cool about it, and play with it anyway as if it weren't some kind of a soul-crushing disappointment, but the first time I transformed the stupid thing, it's head fell off!

  Maybe I can make up for it by throwing myself another party while I'm here? Wouldn't that be cool? I could... Oh.

  Okay, sorry. Went off on another tangent, didn't I?  

  What was I talking about again? Oh, yeah, the marketplace.

  I think that was the first time that it seriously occurred to me that Pinkie's brain might have had some influence on me. Which, great, if I'm not just stuck in Pinkie's body, but I'm actually turning into her, then that means that on top of everything else, I'm also working against the clock!

  Which was just... wonderful (sarcastic eye-roll, here).

  Anyway, my test proved one thing, for sure. If I wanted to convince Twilight that I really, really wasn't Pinkie Pie, that meant that I had to pull out all the stops. I'd have to do something completely so un-Pinkie that she had no choice but to believe that I wasn't me!

  Wait. I mean, "no choice but to believe I wasn't her"!

  Argh. You see the kinds of things I'm dealing with, here?

  Anyways, it was in that state of mind that I went moping through Ponyville, looking again for that silly tree library that Twilight stayed in. It was hard to even get excited, now, because I was half convinced that she wouldn't believe me no matter what I did!

  I was so mopey about it, in fact, that I just completely walked past Rainbow Dash without even noticing her! I would have kept going, but it's totally not in Dashie's nature to let me just blow her off like that.

  "Hey!" she said, right next to me. Which startled me pretty good, I think I cleared about three feet of air when I jumped in surprise. "You just gonna ignore me?"

  "Oh my gosh, it's Rainbow Dash!" I said excitedly, pointing a hoof at her.

  She looked at me blankly for a second, and then rolled her eyes.

  "Oh my gosh, it's Pinkie Pie," she said back dryly. "Anyway, I thought we were going pranking today. Don't tell me you forgot! You've been bugging me all week about it!"

  "I didn't forget!" I said, which was technically true. "And I'm not Pinkie Pie. I'm an alien creature called a human that got sucked into her head somehow, and I'm trying to figure out how to get home!"

  The silence, it was profound.

  "O-kay," Dash said eventually, giving me a weird look. "I gotta say, I don't know what your angle is on this one. Are you actually trying to prank me?"

  "Nonono, it's really true!" I said. "I'm an alien!"

  She just stared at me for a minute, and then grinned.

  "Oh, that's brilliant! We'll be alien invaders! Wait right here, I'm going to go get some costumes!"

  And, with that, she shot up into the air and vanished. I stood there, choking on the dust she'd kicked up for a little while, and then I stomped my hoof in frustration.

  Argh! Why won't anypony listen to me?!

  Anyway, I didn't have time for pranking, so I went to go find Twilight, thus disobeying a direct order from Rainbow Dash. That wouldn't have any repercussions later on, would it?

  Naaaah....

  So anyway, I left there and went back to looking for the library, wondering how much further I would have to go, and still deep in thought.

  In fact, I was so deep in thought that I walked right past it without noticing! Okay, so I put the Pinkie Caboose into reverse, and went back to the tree-brary door (it's actually called Books and Branches, in case you didn't know). Yay, I was finally here!

  I knocked on the door (no, not with my head, I used a hoof). A short while later, the door opened.

  "Oh, hey, Pinkie," Spike said, and wow, he was just so adorable in real life! I just wanted to pinch his little cheeks, but I didn't have fingers, so I'd probably have just ended up squooshing his face between my hooves or something.

  "Hey, Spikey!" I said, "Is Twilight in? I really need to talk to her, right away!"

  "Well, yeah, she's in," Spike said. "But she's in the middle of a big research project for Princess Celestia."

  "Well, this is super important. Like, really important."

  "Oh, yeah?" Spike asked, looking doubtful and slightly defiant. "How important, exactly?"

  Oh, no. I'd gone through too much today to be stopped by a pint-sized draconic doorman, no matter how squishy-wishy is little cheeks were! I leaned down and stared him straight in the eye, focusing all the intensity I could into my gaze.

  "It is incredibly super important," I said, trying to put the unstoppable force of a thousand glaciers behind my voice. "It's the most super fantastically important thing I've ever had to say to Twilight, ever, in my entire life."

  Technically true, since I'd never said anything to Twilight before.

  "Whoah..." the dragon said, obviously impressed. "Okay, you can come in. If it's that important, I know Twilight will want to hear it."

  He opened the door for me, and I went inside. Spike asked me to wait in the main area while he went to go pull Twilight Sparkle away from whatever research project she was working on. I wandered over to look at the books, curious to see if they really had that messed-up writing like they had in the show.

  It didn't take long to determine that, yup, they sure did! I looked at some of the spines, and they all had that odd, almost-English-looking lettering. At random, I pulled a book out of the shelf to take a peek at the pages inside (I had to use my mouth, and the book tasted like dust and mildew. Blech!)

  I flopped the book down and opened it to a random page. Man, it was so weird! It was like I could almost read it. I glanced over it, smirking at the odd letters. That one looked kind of like a letter F. That one over there looked a little like an A. This passage I was looking at almost looked like it said...

"...most powerful magic of the pre-classical era, consisting of a combination of both evocation and conjuration, using a force of almost twenty thaums. This spell causes an effect that..."

  Okay. So I could read Equestrian. No need to panic, though, right? It was probably magic or something, and I don't have to explain sh... anything. Right?

  That's right, I said "shanything". That's a word now. Deal with it.

  My panicky thoughts were interrupted by a grouchy unicorn clomping down the stairs, and Twilight Sparkle herself entered the scene! My inner fanboy was doing somersaults. She was too cute for words!

  "Okay, Pinkie." Twilight said, all crabby-like. "This had better be good. What do you need?"

  "Twilight, I can read this," I said, the fear making my voice shake a little as I pointed at the book.

  She glanced at the book, then frowned up at me. That's when I noticed that Twilight was actually a little bit shorter than I was, which seemed really weird for some reason.

  "I don't see why not, Pinkie. It's not that advanced of a book."

  "No! I mean..." I shook my head. I knew that now was not the time to go off on a tangent! I was finally there! I could finally get some answers, but only if I convinced the grumpy librarian that I wasn't really Pinkie Pie!

  "Okay, Twilight Sparkle, brace yourself. Because this one is a doozy!" I told her.

  Twilight's eyes widened, probably remembering the last time her friend had told her about a "doozy" and she'd almost gotten eaten by a hydra. Her annoyance fell away as she realized that I was serious, something really big was up!

  "Okay, Pinkie. I'm listening. What's wrong?"

  "That's just it, Twilight," I said, and then braced myself and said, "I'm not actually Pinkie Pie!"

  Again with the deafening silence? Yup. Twilight just stared at me, completely nonplussed for a few seconds.

  "You sure look like Pinkie Pie," she said, finally. "What, are you saying you're a changeling or something?"

  Ooh! I had forgotten about the changelings!

  "Nope! I'm an alien!"

  Another long pause, followed by a flat "What?"

  "Whoah, an alien?" Spike said, overawed. "That really is big!"

  "Well, technically, I'm an alien in Pinkie Pie's body. I somehow got zapped into her head earlier today, and now I'm really hoping you can get me back home."

  Twilight's confusion slowly drained away, revealing the annoyance that was hiding just out of sight this whole time.

  "Pinkie, that's ridiculous," she said with obviously strained patience. "I have a lot of work to do, I don't have time for jokes..."

  "It's no joke, Twilight!" I said, desperately. "If it were a joke, I'd be laughing! But I'm not, because it's not funny! Help me Twilight Sparkle! You're my only hope!"

  Then I realized that I had inadvertently quoted Star Wars, and had to choke back a laugh. Great timing, huh?

  "Yeah," Twilight said, eyes narrowing. "Really funny, Pinkie Pie. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to work."

  "No!" I yelled, frantic. "Listen, I know this sounds like a typical Pinkie Pie thing, but I'm telling you the honest truth! I'm actually a human, from a whole other world! I was out shopping for light bulbs, and then suddenly I was Pinkie Pie! Please, Twilight! At least consider that I might be telling the truth!"

  I turned the full power of the soulful baby-blues on the librarian unicorn, and I saw Twilight's reluctance to believe me waver, then start to fade.

  "Okay, let's say I believe you," she said, looking doubtful, but willing to give me a chance. "How did you get here in the first place?"

  "Well, okay. What happened was-" I started saying.

  And that's when we were interrupted in the worst possible way, by a pegasus flying in through the window while wearing a cheesy, shiny grey Lycra costume. She was also wearing a goofy rubber mask with big fake googly-eyes, and a headband sporting a pair of antenna that bobbled around on her head.

  "Oh, there you are!" Rainbow Dash said to me. "Are you ready to get started on that alien prank?"

  I was, quite literally, at a complete loss for words. I gaped dumbly at the Rainbow Pegasus of Doom, Destroyer of All Hope, while the silly antennae on her head bounced around absurdly. They had stars on the tips, I noticed.

  "If you two are quite finished," Twilight said icily, "I have a lot of work to do. You can see yourselves out."

  With that, my only hope of returning home turned and trotted up the stairs.

  "What's her problem?" Rainbow Dash asked me, turning her head towards me and smacking me in the eye with an antenna.

  Okay, the little voice in my head piped up. If you wanted to have a freakout, now would be a good time.

  So, that's what I did.

  Well, it turns out that's all I have time for right now. It's bed time. I'll have to continue this later. Hopefully I can actually get some sleep tonight! It was pretty noisy here, last night.

Good morning!

  Ah, it was nice and quiet last night. No barking dogs, or anything! So peaceful. Oh, speaking of pets, that reminds me... I hope somepony is taking good care of Gummy!

  Anyway, I'm much better now. I know I had a pretty bad freakout and everything, but right now, I'm pretty calm. Relatively calm. Sort of.

  So, I'm still pretty worked up, but not as bad as back then. Let's just not talk about what happened. It's really embarrassing.

  ...

  Okay, okay. I suppose it's only fair that I go into it. After all, if I'm asking for help, I should really I get the whole story out there.

  So, Twilight marched back upstairs, trailing an apologetic Spike behind her. Rainbow Dash was standing next to me, wearing an alien costume sporting bobbling antenna (with stars on them) on her head. And I... felt... this weird pulsing sensation... in my brain.

  Rainbow must have sensed that I was mildly perturbed, because she gave me this kind of wary look and goes, all innocent-like, "Hey, everything okay, Pinkie?"

  It was like my head, all on it's own, rotated very, very slowly to face her. And, I don't know, I guess maybe I was in her personal space a little, because she took a step back.

   I wanted to reassure her that everything was fine, just fine. So I smiled at her. But for some reason she took a couple more steps back. I don't know why, I was being perfectly friendly! I was smiling and everything! But I couldn't think of anything to say, so I just kept smiling.

  I think my left eye might have twitched a little.

  "Um... You're looking... kinda freaky, there. Are you okay?"

  She looked a little worried and freaked out right then. Since it was supposed to be me that was freaking out, and not her, that seemed funny. Especially since I wasn't freaking out at all. I was just fine. My smile widened and I started laughing a little.

  "heh. heh. heh."

  "Okay, you're weirding me out, now," Rainbow said, as she took yet another step back. Why was she so nervous? It's not like I was going to... I don't know, do something horrible to her! Maybe something involving the forced removal and reinsertion of that Lycra body suit she was wearing! Or having her find out if those springy antenna things were edible!

  "Heh. Hah. Heh heh ha!"

  "Uhh... I think it's time for me to go," she said, as her rump hit the bookshelf behind her. And, wow! I hadn't realized how far across the room she'd moved! Of course, I probably hadn't noticed because I was still just a couple of inches away from her face, stepping forward every time she stepped back.

  I felt my eye twitch again. I tell you, that was sure annoying!

  "Is this about the prank?" she asked, as I stood in front of her with a big grin on my face.

  The prank? Oh, that was so funny! So I laughed even more!

  "Hah ha! Hah hah hah!"

  "You're really freaking me out, Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash said, and then I literally just felt something go *snap!* in my head. I think whatever it was that broke was attached to my smile muscles, because my smile suddenly vanished. It was either that or my mane, which suddenly de-poofed right then and there.

  "My. Name. Is. Not. PINKIE PIE!!!" I informed her. Pretty calmly, I think. Under the circumstances, I mean. Though, I think I did get a little bit.. shrill... at the end, there.

  Seriously, though, how many times do I have to say it? Doesn't that pony ever listen?

  Anyway, Dash responded by going "Gaah!", jumping up into the air, and then flying out the window.

  Oh, no. We're not having any of that! I have to let her know just how much I appreciated her help! I felt my grin re-attatch itself to my face, though my mane and tail stayed perfectly straight (in retrospect, I probably should have been concerned about that). I barged out of the door, looking around for a rainbow-hued contrail.

  I spotted it streaking away down the street. Smiling at the world in general, I took off after her.

  I got to see a lot of Ponyville that afternoon! It was like a big old game of tag, and I had to go make Rainbow Dash "it"! I sprinted after her as fast as I could, which I believe I've mentioned is pretty darned fast.

  I dodged ponies, zipped around market stalls, hurdled over Mr. Waddle (who's also a pony, but a very old one), and never, ever once lost sight of that rainbow contrail. Which was kind of nice that something was going right, for a change!

  I'd always wondered how Pinkie Pie had managed to get ahead of Rainbow Dash in the cartoon. It turns out that Pinkie is just really, really fast, and Rainbow Dash always telegraphs exactly where she's going. I think my favorite was when I slowly raised myself out of a garbage can behind her, lid balanced precariously on my head, while she was peeking around the corner to see where I was. I leaned forward and whispered "boo" into her ear.

  Maybe it was just my imagination that the resulting rainbow contrail as she sped away was slightly more yellow than usual. Maybe.  

  Anyway, I think Rainbow Dash thought, for some reason, that she could finally lose me in an alleyway, because that's the last place that I found her hiding. I mean, it was perfectly obvious where she was. Somehow.

  I don't know, maybe it was Pinkie Sense that told me where she was hiding. Or maybe she's just really really bad at hide and seek. I got to the alleyway entrance and stood there, staring at the boxes that Rainbow was hiding behind.

  "Oh, Rainbow Da~ash!" I sing-songed, "Come on out! I just want to play with you!"

  Rainbow Dash went "Gah!" again, which reminded me of when I was first experimenting with my new voice, and I started giggling a little bit. She threw a panicked look at me and launched herself into the air, taking off over the rooftops.

  Rooftops? Now, that was no fair! I jumped up on the boxes that she'd hid behind, and then bounced from there up to the nearest roof. The roof wasn't too high, maybe only fifteen feet off the ground, and the boxes got me halfway there, so it was easy-peasy!

  I started to run after her again, jumping from roof to roof. I don't know, for the fastest flyer in Equestria, she sure seemed... I don't know, a little slow. Maybe it was that stupid costume she was wearing, increasing her drag, or something. But I was catching up to her pretty quickly!

  I think she noticed that, because she abandoned the rooftops and flew out over the open marketplace. Oh, clever girl! Nothing but obstacles in my way, which she could just fly over! I jumped down off the roof, determined to catch up with her. My eyes were watering pretty heavily at this point. I think I was forgetting to blink, actually.

  It was wall-to-wall stalls in the market place, which might have proven tricky if I didn't get the brilliant idea to go through them instead of wasting all that time going around them. It was like making my own very special shortcut!

  Rainbow was running out of steam, it looked like. She'd been flying flat out for a while now, and she finally landed. Right by Applejack's stall, no less!

  Strangely enough, I felt perfectly fine! I had energy to spare! I could almost feel it sparking off of my coat!

  As I ran up, I heard Rainbow Dash pleading with Applejack.

  "You gotta help me!" she said to the apple vendor. "Pinkie's gone nuts and I think she's trying to get me!"

  "I'm not trying to get you, Rainbow Dash!" I said, wide-eyed and grinning. "I just wanted to tell you how funny I thought your prank was!"

  "Help me!" Rainbow begged.

  "Now you two can just quit it," Applejack said sternly as I stalked towards them. "Ah ain't playin' any of your stupid 'alien invader' games. Ah got apples to sell!"

  "Of course you do! You're Applejack!" I said, laughing shrilly. AJ looked at me like I'd maybe grown a second head.

  "I'm not playing, AJ!" Rainbow Dash said. "I think there's really something wrong with her!"

  "Ah reckon' you may be right," Applejack said, eying me warily.

  "Something wrong with me?" I echoed. How absurd! Except for the whole being a human stuck in a pony thing, of course. I tilted my head to the side as I tried to filter that information. I made sure to keep on smiling, though. You know, to put them at ease, and all.

  For some reason, I don't think it worked.

  "There's something very wrong with you!" Rainbow Dash said from behind Applejack.

  "There's nothing wrong with me, Rainbow Dash!" I said with a high-pitched giggle, shaking my head in disbelief. A couple bits of wood fell out of my mane when I did that, probably from the stalls I'd crashed through a little while ago. You'd think they'd make them sturdier than that! "I'm not the one wearing a grey alien suit! I'm not the one with the bobbling antenna headband!"

  I was walking towards them as I was saying this, by the way.

  "I'm not the one who showed up at just the perfect time to ruin any chance that I had to get home, by convincing Twilight Sparkle that anything I was going to say to her was part of some silly joke!"

  AJ had backed up against her stall now, and Rainbow Dash was hiding behind it. I noticed that there was quite a crowd of ponies around the three of us, now. Though, they all seemed to want to stay pretty far back, for some reason.

  "Ah don't know what's goin' on here, but Ah reckon' it's gone on far enough," Applejack said, trying to sound reasonable. I just blinked at her a bunch of times, though that was just because I was trying to catch up on all the blinking I'd missed out on earlier. "It don't seem like Rainbow Dash is having fun anymore, so maybe it's time we all just went home. All right, Pinkie Pie?"

  I took a deep breath, getting ready to loudly assert yet again that I was not Pinkie Pie, when something Applejack said resonated with me.

  Rainbow Dash... is not having fun? For some reason, that really shook me. That's when my head-voice re-entered the scene.

  Don't you think that's enough, now? it said. You're scaring them.

  And that's when I realized that, yeah, I had gone just a little bit off the deep end, there. I felt the crazy-smile fading as I looked at the two ponies in front of me.

  "I'm... I'm sorry," I said, truly remorseful. "You're right, Applejack. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash. I didn't mean to..."

  "That's her, officers!" a voice said behind me, and I turned to see Carrot Harvest, or whatever her name is, coming up behind me, flanked by three ponies. Two of whom were earth ponies in uniforms of some kind, and one of whom was a unicorn wearing a white labcoat.

  "Who, me?" I asked, incredulously. They couldn't be after me, could they?

  "She wrecked my stall!" Golden Top said. "She's a danger to the community!"

  "I'm not a danger, I'm an alien!" I said. Which, in retrospect, was probably an unwise thing to say, and is probably why things unfolded like they did.

  The two police officers (I didn't know Ponyville had police, but honestly, what else could they be?) looked at each other and nodded.

  "Why not just come with us, miss?" the one on the left said, in what was probably meant to be a soothing voice, except it sounded like he gargled with pointy rocks.

  "Let's just stay calm, and we can work all this out in a rational manner," said the one on the right.

  "I am calm!" I said, though I was lying. I was starting to feel pretty nervous, actually.

  "Um, officers? Ah think my friend Pinkie here is just a mite stressed out. Why don't you let me take her home, and-"

  "Please stay back, ma'am," Righty told Applejack, while Lefty moved over to my left side.

  Hoo, boy. This wasn't going to be good. They were surrounding me!

  "Look, officers... I'll fix the damage, I promise!" I said, then I looked at the ruined market stalls. Hmm. Probably not. They were just a little bit... exploded. "Or, I'll buy them new ones! How does that sound?"

  "That sounds good," Lefty said, soothingly. "How about we just go downtown and work this all out?"

  "I guess... wait, Ponyville has a downtown?"

  "Get her!" Righty said, and they both lunged for me.

  I jumped straight up in the air, and the two officers did a coconut-bonk off of each others skulls. I landed amidst the jumbled limbs and immediately took off. Unfortunately, that took me straight towards Carrot Butt, who collapsed to the ground, shrieking "She's gonna eat me!"

  "That's stupid!" I yelled as I ran away. "Stop being stupid!"

  I didn't make it far, though, because a glowing magical field lifted me up off the ground. It was coming from that unicorn in the lab coat! My legs pedaled uselessly in the air as I tried to get away from him.

  "Applejack, Rainbow Dash, listen to me, please!" I said, as the doctor approached me. The two police ponies were groggily getting up, massaging their heads as they did so.

  Oh, things weren't looking too good for human Pinkie Pie! But at least I had AJ's and RD's attention!

  "I'm sorry I scared you, I really am!" I said, desperately, as the approaching doctor used his telekinesis to pull something out of his coat that I couldn't quite make out. "But you have to believe me! Tell Twilight Sparkle!"

  The cop-ponies were closing in, looking grim. The doctor was fiddling with the whatever-it-was he'd pulled out of the lab coat. Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at me with expressions that said that they couldn't quite believe what they were seeing.

  "Tell her I Pinkie Promise that I'm really an alien, trapped in Pinkie Pie's body!" I yelled. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my... butt?"

  No, I didn't forget how the thing went, that deranged doctor pony had stuck a needle into my rump!

  I immediately started to feel woozy, and I knew that I had been jabbed with a sedative. That was just so not fair! Before I lost consciousness, I shouted my frustration and fury to the sky, decrying this injustice to the very heavens themselves:

  "I only wanted to get some lightbuuuulbs!"

  As epic last words go, that could probably use some work.

  My vision started to dim, and the last thing I remember seeing before blacking out was both Rainbow and AJ looking at me with shocked expressions on their faces.

  I don't know how much later it was that I woke up here. But when I did wake up, it was in a padded room, with my forelegs stuck into a straight jacket. They thought I was a crazy pony!

  Anyway, I've been here two nights, now. I haven't seen anypony but the nurses, who bring me pills and help me use the bathroom when I need it, and the orderlies, who bring me lunch, and then watch me eat it, then count the utensils before they go. I guess the doctor is going to interview me later on today. But for now, I've got nothing to do but stare at these padded walls.

  Which is why I've tried to send this message out to you. Basically, I've got nothing better to do!

  Anyway, here comes the orderly with my food. So, I'll pick my story up after lunch, which is... Mmm! Pureed carrots! Delish!

  That was sarcasm. Please help me!

The food here is terrible!

  Seriously. Pureed carrots? Which I have to eat with a plastic spoon? Are they afraid I'm going to go crazy and stab someone with a root vegetable if they don't mash it all up?

  Anyway, the doctor interviewed me a few hours ago. It was the same Mister Stabby Needle guy as before, the one who injected sedatives into my butt. And, I thought I was done with these fourth-wall reports, but... well, something happened that made me think that I'd better give this another try. Things might be worse than I thought!

  I was brought into a little room with a table in the middle, and a chair that I was made to sit in. Oddly, they made me sit in it human-style, which isn't as uncomfortable for a pony as I thought it would be (maybe Lyra isn't so nutty, after all!). After a few minutes, the doctor came in, floating this big accordion-folder with him, as well as a pen and a clipboard.

  He stood across the table from me, placed the folder on the table, then looked up at me over the top of his half-moon glasses. Then he sat down, took out the clipboard, and started writing, apparently paying me no further attention.

  I just sat there, waiting for him to say something. But no, he just scribbled more on his clipboard.

  Finally, I'd had enough, and said, "Soo... You gonna let me out of this straight jacket, or something?"

  The writing stopped, and he put the clipboard aside and looked at me.

  "Do you think I should?" he asked

  "Well, I have a wicked bad itch on my nose, and I can't scratch it. It's kind of driving me..." I cut myself off there, because I didn't want to say "crazy" while I was in the looney bin.

  "Yes?" he asked.

  "Nevermind," I said, and he went back to writing on the clipboard.

  A minute later, I sighed and said, "Look, I really want to go home. Can I just leave?"

  "Leave?" he said, putting the clipboard aside. "I can't let you leave while you're still sick! You're a danger to yourself and others!"

  "No, I'm not!" I protested. Honestly, I was the least dangerous pony with a human brain, like, ever!

  "You smashed up half of the market stalls in Ponyville. I think that's pretty dangerous," he commented.

  "Half?! No way!" I was outraged by the injustice of that statement! "It was more like... ten percent, tops! Maybe even more like eight percent!"

  "That's still a considerable amount of damage. Plus, you think you're an alien."

  I'd had some time to think about this. There was no advantage in telling the truth to these guys, because, to be fair, the truth sounded pretty crazy!

  "No no no," I said. "All of that was just a joke! I was playing with Rainbow Dash, and I got... well, a little out of hand."

  "Out of what, now?"

  "Hoof. I got out of hoof."

  "But I heard you," he reminded me. "I heard you say it when we came to you in the market place."

  "Well... yeah. It was all part of the game, right?"

  "I don't think so, Miss Pie. You seemed pretty convinced. Not to mention all of the witnesses you had told throughout the day that you were an alien."

  Argh, of all the ponies who could have listened to what I said, it has to be this guy? Nopony else could be bothered to listen to what I was saying other than the guy who was convinced that I was crazy for saying it!

  "My friends told you that?"

  "No, I wasn't able to talk to them. I think they're avoiding this situation. You've caused them some considerable trauma with your actions, after all," he said, and I flinched as I felt the guilt well up. "But I did talk to the ponies in the market place. Apparently, you'd made quite a spectacle of yourself earlier that morning, shouting about being an alien stuck in a pony body."

  "Fine. I'll level with you, doctor," I said. I was already tired of the game. "I really am an alien. But here's the thing... you think I'm crazy for thinking that, but how do you know it's not true?"

  "Well, we don't like to use the word 'crazy', here. We prefer... 'confused'. And, frankly, Miss Pie, it's very obvious that it's not true. I'm looking at you, and I'm seeing a pony."

  "Well, duh!" I said. "I told you, my brain got stuck in Pinkie Pie's body!"

  "Then, where is Pinkie Pie?"

  "What?"

  "If your mind is in Pinkie's body, then where is Pinkie's mind?"

  That's a pretty good question, don't you think? the little voice in my head asked.

  I felt a chill run through me, as I realized that the most likely place she would be is... in my own body, back on Earth!

  "Oh, no. No no no!" I said. "This is bad! This is the most super-awesomely baddest thing that could ever happen!"

  "Please settle down, Miss Pie," the doctor said.

  "You don't understand! She's probably in my body back home! Oh, she's going to get me arrested, I just know it!"

  "Why do you think so?"

  "Because, by the standards of my people, Pinkie Pie is kinda crazy!" I said. "Oh, man, I can see it now..."

  And this is what my imagination came up with:

  "Everypony needs to party" Pinkie Pie said, cranking up the music in the electronics section. "Come on, people! Shake your groove thangs!"

  "Hey, get your hands off of me!" one of the Target employees said, as Pinkie tried to start a conga line

  "You seem crabby!" Pinkie said. "I know, I bet it's your clothes! My friend Rainbow Dash gets crabby when she wears clothes for too long. Here, let me help you take them off!"

  "Hey, get offa me! Security! Security!"

  "Who's Security? She sounds like a nice pony! Do you think she'd want some cupcakes?"

  A police officer rushed up, taser in hand.

  "Oooh, what's that? It's all... aaaagh!"

  Or, maybe it was more like:

  "Okay, you say you're a pony from Ponyville, your name is Pinkie Pie, and you were just trying to throw a big party?"

  "That's right! They had all that cake just sitting there, I thought it would be fun to have a big old celebration!"

  "Well, I guess that would explain this charge of 'assault with cake'."

  "I wasn't assaulting them with cake! I was giving them cake!"

  "You were "giving them cake" using a homemade cannon made from a leaf-blower and various parts from the hardware section!"  

  Anyway you look at it, it was bound to be pretty bad!

  "Trust me, if Pinkie is in my body, it won't end well! She's probably locked up, most likely in a psych ward... exactly... like... this one."

  Hmm. For the first time, it occurred to me that I probably had made a huge mess for Pinkie to clear up, if we ever managed to switch our bodies back.

  "Yes, just like this one," The doctor said. "And here you are!"

  "Look, I'm not crazy, okay?"

  He just looked at me, raising one eyebrow.

  "Okay, 'confused', whatever. I really did get brain-swapped with Pinkie Pie. I mean, come on! After everything that's happened here, this can't be that unusual!"

  "What do you mean by that?"

  "Oh, I dunno," I said, slightly sarcastically. "How about the return of Nightmare Moon? How about the Ursa Minor ripping up Ponyville, or the parasprites eating most of it? How about Chrysalis and her changelings at Canterlot? And, oh, I don't know, how about fricken' Discord making clouds out of cotton candy that rained chocolate milk! After all the weird stuff that's happened around here lately, you think me being an alien is really all that odd? At least consider the chance that I'm telling the truth!"

  "Yes, an amazing number of very odd things have happened here. And the latest is that you now believe that you're an alien. When did you say this happened again?"

  "The same day that you sedated me and brought me here!" I said, exasperated.

  "Exactly," he said, making a note on his clipboard. "And yet... you know about all of these strange things which happened around here, some of which were almost two years ago?"

  Oh. Drat.

  "We aliens watch you guys on T.V.," I tried to explain.

  "On what now?"

  "Television. It's... like a magic box, and it shows us stories. And some of those stories are about you ponies. So, I know all about Pinkie Pie and her adventures."

  "I see. That's very inventive. " he said, scribbling. Then he pulled something out of the folder and showed it to me. "What does this look like to you."

  "A piece of paper with some ink spilled on it," I quipped.

  "No, I know what it is, I want to know what it looks like."

  "Oh, well why didn't you say?" I asked, then I leaned in to look at it more closely. "Hmm... It looks like a Rorschach test!"

  "Do you mean 'Horseshach'?" the doctor asked, and I sighed and nodded. A perfectly good joke ruined by an unexpected  equine-related pun! Such is my life...

  "I meant," the doctor said, sounding cross (and I was glad to have finally gotten some kind of emotional reaction out of him, I admit!) "what does the ink on the paper look like to you?"

  "Ohhh," I said. "It looks like... a waste of perfectly good paper!"

  The doctor sighed and put the paper away.

  "I can see that you're not going to help me at all with this," he said. "But I'll tell you what I think. I think that you're a very smart, sensitive pony who has been through a lot in the last couple of years. All those terrible things that kept on happening to you and your friends, I think they made you just stop wanting to be Pinkie Pie. I think this 'human alien' thing is just a rather clever invention, to avoid dealing with the hard realities of your life."

  "That is so not true!" I complained. "I had a perfectly ordinary life back home! A job, a girlfriend, everything!"

  "Interesting. You were male, as well?"

  "Yah-huh!" I said, and he scribbled some more on the clipboard.

  "Well, Miss Pie. If you remember this other life of yours so well, tell me: what was your name?"

  "That's easy! It's..."

  I trailed off doubtfully. Where my name was supposed to be, there was a hollow space. I couldn't remember! I could remember my whole life, my childhood... I could even remember what I'd had for breakfast that morning! (It was scrambled eggs, sausage and hash browns). But my name was gone!

  "It's very simple, Miss Pie. You are, by all accounts, a very clever and inventive young lady. And your life has been pretty horrible lately. And, you said it yourself, earlier, when I brought up where Pinkie Pie herself might be. You said, 'Pinkie Pie is kind of crazy'."

  Oh. I had said that, hadn't I?

  "So, you used that imagination of yours to invent a life for yourself out of whole cloth. One where you no longer needed to be Pinkie Pie. Where you didn't even need to be a pony. You just forgot one thing: to give your new identity its own name."

  He stood up, leaving me sitting there completely stunned. Could it be true? I mean... I was even acting a little like Pinkie Pie! No, a lot like her!

  "I'll have the orderly bring you to your room, all right? I want you to think about it, Miss Pie. You have friends and family who love you, and want you to get well and come back to them. I'll talk to you tomorrow, Pinkie."

  The orderly came to take me back to my room, but I barely noticed. My head was a churning cauldron of doubt, denial and fear.

  I sat in my little room for hours, just working it over in my head. Could I really be Pinkie Pie? This whole thing, could it just be a delusion? I was on the verge of accepting it, when the little voice popped back into my head.

  He said "human alien", did you notice? it said. But you never actually said the word "human" around him. Just "alien". That's pretty interesting, don't you think?

  I blinked. Oh my gosh. That was right. I'd never said "human" in front of the doctor. Maybe he'd heard it from some other pony, but...  

  I played that day's events back in my mind. I'd said the word "human" to both Twilight and Rainbow Dash. But the doctor said he'd never talked to them!

  And, somehow, he just seemed to know that the one piece of information you'd be missing would be your name. the little voice pointed out.

  I felt a chill run down my spine. That doctor knew something that he wasn't telling me!

  And there was something else. He'd said that "my friends", meaning Twilight Sparkle and the others, had refused to talk to him. But how likely was that? They were Pinkie's friends, they'd want to help in any way they could! And, why hadn't they visited?

  And that's when I realized that one thing I didn't have of Pinkie Pie's was her self-doubt, that thought that maybe her friends didn't really love her. I knew Twilight and the others would have come to see her! I'd been here for three days! Some pony was keeping them from seeing me, and my bits were on Doctor Liar-pants!

  Something is wrong. Something is very definitely wrong! And I am going to get to the bottom of it, Human Stuck in Pinkie Pie's Body style!

  So, that's it. I'm busting out of here, tonight. I'm going to find Pinkie's friends. I'm going to find out what happened. And I'm going to put it right!

  But, if I fail... well, I'm hoping this message reaches someone who can help me. Or, even someone who can help Pinkie Pie. If I can't figure out how to reverse it, and she really is stuck in my body, well... please find her. Help her get out of whatever jam she may be in, and be her friend. She'll need as many of those as she can get.

  And that's it for me for now. It's time to make my great escape!

And so, I escaped!

  And I bet you'd like to know how it happened, huh? Okay, well strap yourselves in... because this is going to be a thrill ride!

  Or, maybe not, I don't know. It was exciting to me, at least!

  I knew a little bit more about what was going on, now. Yes, I'd somehow inherited some of Pinkie's personality quirks along with her body, but I wasn't Pinkie Pie. I was definitely... whatever my actual name was. This whole thing had been done to me, possibly by that doctor pony, possibly by somepony else. And I had to find out who, how and why!

  In order to do that, I needed allies. And, lucky for me, Pinkie Pie came with a whole passel of allies! Un-lucky for me, three of them were probably currently convinced that I was totally fruit-loops. That left Rarity and Fluttershy as the ponies most likely to listen to me before trying to turn me over to the authorities.

  The little voice in my head suggested that I start with Fluttershy. She did seem like the most likely candidate to be my first ally, and not just because she shared the same voice-actress as Pinkie. The main problem with that is... well, I have no idea where Fluttershy's house is in relation to Ponyville! Heck, I don't know where the hospital is in relation to Ponyville!

  But all of that was for later. For now... I had to get the heck out of this room! But I had no idea how I was going to do that.

  Pinkie Pie would be able to get out, I knew. She'd do some wacky thing, like simply pop through the wall, or talk in circles around an orderly, or some similar crazyness to get out. But I wasn't really Pinkie Pie, and I couldn't do those things.

  But maybe I could. Maybe all I had to do was, somehow, tap into my own inner Pinkie Pie.

  So, I meditated. I thought about parties. I thought about happiness, and joy, and laughter. I thought of my friends back home, and Pinkie's friends here. Cake and ice cream, parties with balloons and fun games... I didn't realize it at the time (because I had my eyes closed), but Pinkie's mane and tail were slowly curling back up as I sat there, deep in thought.

  And then, suddenly, I had a plan. And the first step was to get out of this straight jacket!

  It turns out that Pinkie's body actually has incredible flexibility. It's almost like she's made out of taffy, or something. There was some rolling around on the floor, a few choice curse words, a Pinkie Pie version of the Sweetie Belle scoot, and some frantic wriggling, but I finally got that darned thing off. Harry Houdini's got nothing on me!

  The next part of my plan was fairly easy. I just needed to gather a few simple items. It didn't take me long to get a small pile of lint and pluck a few stray hairs from my now-poofy tail, and I was looking around for a Bunsen burner when I heard the keys rattling in the lock of my door.

  Oh no! I was nowhere near ready! I still had to find a pumpkin, three candles, a jar of pickle juice and a propeller beanie!

  The orderly opened the door, carrying my dinner on a tray in his mouth. He didn't notice me, at first. So, I decided to improvise!

  "Plan B!" I shouted, jumping at him. He dropped the tray in shock, and I wrapped the straight jacket around his head. He pawed at it frantically to get it off, and when he finally did, I shoved a hoof-full of my dinner into his mouth.

  I stared at him, filled with regret as he lay there on the floor of the room. He twitched slightly while he gurgled on the terrible taste of mashed peas.

  "I'm so sorry," I told him, sadly. "But better you than me."

  I left the room, closing the door softly behind me. Operation: Get Out of the Loony Bin was on! Any plan that succeeds is a good plan, and all that!

  Of course, the next step was to get out of the hospital. Barking-dog pony barked at me as I walked past her room, but since she barked pretty often, I wasn't too worried about her giving me away.

  I slipped into a nearby stairwell, hoping to make my way down to the first floor without being noticed. I'd just started my descent when my tail started twitching like crazy. That distracted me enough that I stumbled, tumbling head-over-hooves down the stairs.

  Et tu, Pinkie Sense? Darned self-fulfilling mystic senses!

  I was lucky that my fall was broken by something soft at the bottom of the stairs, something that went "Oof!" I got up to my hooves and looked down to see Doctor McLiar-Pants himself lying in a crumpled heap!

  "Miss Pie?" he asked, woozily. I didn't give him a chance for a follow-up, running off while he was still dazed, my freaky earth-pony speed getting me quickly out of range of his even freakier unicorn-pony magic. Still, it wasn't long before I heard him raising the alarm behind me.

  Not good! And definitely not part of the plan! I mean, the original plan was simple:

1. Get out of the room
2. Get out of the hospital
3. Fix everything
4. Go home

  Being chased by orderlies wasn't part of the plan. Maybe I could add it in there, like a task 1b: get chased by orderlies, but then I'd have to figure out how to make room on the list. Which was in my head, so maybe it wouldn't be that hard, after all. Wait, why was I worrying about this now? I had other things to do!

  Like, getting away from these orderlies!

  Three days in a tiny room hadn't done much to hurt Pinkie's incredible speed, so I poured it on and pulled steadily ahead of my pursuers. I made it out the front doors and into the the early evening light outside, with the sun just beginning its descent. I saw Ponyville off in the distance, so I shifted into overdrive and left a dust trail behind me as I ran.

    I heard various shouts of "There she is!" and "Get her!" and "Do we get paid extra for this?" coming from behind me as I reached the outskirts of town. I started walking as I passed the first buildings in Ponyville, because the last thing I wanted was a lot of attention.  

  I was still smiling, but this one was an honest and happy smile, compared to the admittedly freaky one I had on my face when I was chasing after poor Dashie. Ponies smiled back at me as I walked sedately through the town. Some even waved! Either these ponies have short memories, or nopony had told them that I was supposed to be crazy. Which seemed downright odd, to me.

  Once I was a block or so in, I quickly dodged into a side alley and hid behind a convenient rain-barrel. The orderlies, along with Doctor Needles himself, all came running up and milled around in confusion, trying to figure out where I had gone. I had to put a hoof over my mouth to stop from giggling at the confused expressions on their faces!

  Then I had a burst of inspiration for a little prank. I quickly slapped a fedora on my head, and then pulled on a trenchcoat and slid a pair of Groucho glasses onto my face. Once I was suitably disguised, I stepped out next to the confused hospital staff.

  "There she goes!" I cried, deepening my voice and trying to sound gruff. "Quick, she's getting away!"

  The hospital ponies looked at me, startled, and then the doctor shouted, "Get her!"

  And then they all ran off in the direction I'd pointed.

  Oh, it was so funny! I fell on my back, kicking my legs in the air and laughing so hard I got the hiccups!

  Giggling, and occasionally hiccuping, I continued on through Ponyville. I figured that the orderlies and Doctor Creepyface would be looking for me here in town, so the sooner I got out of here, the better. Then I could look for Fluttershy's cottage! What I hadn't planned on was getting lost again, since I was still pretty unfamiliar with Ponyville.

  Just as I was getting ready to start grumbling in frustration, I saw Fluttershy herself slowly walking though town. What luck! It was almost as if I had someone looking out for me, making sure things would go my way!

  So, I got all stealthy-like and started following her. I mean, I didn't want to confront her in the middle of Ponyville, she might panic and call attention to us. My thought at the time was that I'd wait until she left town, then I'd follow her back to her cottage. At that point, I'd try to talk to her about what had happened.

  If I could get Fluttershy on my side, then she could help me convince the others. One at a time, I'd convert all of Pinkie's friends to my side, and then we'd go take on the bad guy! Whoever that was!

  I thought Fluttershy was shopping, but she was actually just walking through town. I kept my disguise on, following her stealthily. I hid behind a mailbox, on top of a light post, behind a wagon, and underneath a familiar brown earth-pony with a spiky mane and an hourglass cutie mark.

  "Um, excuse me?" he said, giving me a startled look.

  "Not now, Doctor!" I told him. "I'm trying to be all ninja-like!"

  "Uh, I'm not a doctor. My name is Ti-"

  "Ap-bap-bap-bap!" I said, sticking a hoof on his muzzle. "If your name isn't 'The Doctor', I don't wanna know about it!"

  Grumbling, he moved off, leaving me without cover. So I dove into a large potted plant.

  That's when I recognized the neighborhood. Sure enough, Fluttershy was walking up to the tree-brary that I'd had such a hard time finding on my first day here!

  I approached the library myself and crept along the side of the wall until I reached a handy window. I peeked briefly through the window, and I saw the Mane 6 minus one all standing inside. The newly-arrived Fluttershy was being given a cup of tea by a smiling Rarity, while Applejack stood frowning off to one side. Rainbow Dash was hovering near the ceiling, her forearms crossed over her chest, and Twilight Sparkle was saying something.

  I pressed my ear up against the glass and listened in.

  "...even matter either way, is all I'm saying," Twilight Sparkle was saying. "Also, the fact that they won't even let us see her is... well, it's weird! And this thing about interrupting her therapy, well, that makes no sense!"

  "Regardless of what she did, it's obvious that they are overreacting," Rarity said.  

  "I'm really worried about her," Fluttershy said. "Locked up in there, all alone..."

  The sensitive pegasus started to cry, and Rarity patted her gently on the back.

  I wondered briefly who it was they were talking about. Sounded like somepony was in trouble!

  "We just gotta bust her out of there," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean, yeah, she freaked me out, but she's my friend, and I'm not going to just leave her in there!"

    "Ah'm worried about this 'alien' thing," Applejack said, frowning. "If she really believes it and it ain't true, then okay, she needs some help. But if it is true, then what happened to Pinkie Pie? We need answers, and they ain't giving us any."

  They were talking about Pinkie? Oh, that's me! Well, sort of...

  "We can't just go rushing in there, though," Twilight said, frowning. "There are rules and procedures for a reason. Let me write to the Princess, I'm sure she can help us."

  "It's been three days. We don't have time for red tape!" Rainbow asserted. "Let's just rush in there, clobber anypony who tries to stop us, and get to the bottom of this!"

  "You rock, Dashie!"

  "Hey, who said that?"

  Oh, whoops. Was that out loud? I whipped off my disguise and popped my head up to see everypony looking at me with expressions ranging from confused to even more confused.

  "Hi, everypony!" I said, waving. "Guess who busted out of the hospital?"

  A strange and hectic few seconds passed as I was hustled into the library and plopped down into a chair.

  "Pinkie Pie! How did you get here?" Twilight said.

  "Like a sneaky ninja!" I replied.

  "No, I mean... Nevermind," the unicorn said, giving me her 'dealing with Pinkie Pie' look. "Look, first of all... Are you okay?"

  "Yah-huh, I sure am, Twilight!"

  "That's good. And... are you still claiming that you're an alien?"

  "Yup! Though, I know it sounds crazy."

  Twilight sighed, and rubbed her temple with a hoof.

  "There has to be a way to figure out if she's lost it, or if she's telling the truth," Rainbow Dash said.

  "I agree that this is a bit of a conundrum," Rarity said, breaking out the big words. "However, after all we've been through, it's definitely possible that this is true. Remember Discord?"

  "I really am telling the truth, you guys! I Pinkie Promise!"

  "Yeah, but if you're crazy, you could think you're an alien without actually lying!" Rainbow Dash pointed out. Which was surprisingly astute for her. Must be all the reading she's been doing.

  "Oooh, good point, Dashie. But I know I'm not crazy!"

  "Please stop using the word 'crazy'," Twilight said, sounding irritated. "I'm going to examine you, Pinkie Pie, or whatever your name is. Is that okay?"

  "Sure thing. And Twilight?"

  "Yes?"

  "Thanks for being willing to try and believe me, even if you're still not sure," I said, smiling happily. Twilight hesitated a moment, and then smiled back.

  Then she tapped me lightly on the head with her horn, and this purple glow surrounded me, which was all tingly! After a minute or two of that, Twilight stepped back and looked at me, all thoughtful-like.

  "Well?" Rainbow demanded. "Is she an alien or just cra... er... nuts?"

  "'Nuts' isn't any better than 'crazy', Rainbow Dash," Twilight pointed out. "And... I'm not sure. It feels like something is off, but... I can't tell what it is."

  "She sure seems to act like our Pinkie Pie," Applejack said, doubtfully. "Ah ain't sayin' it ain't true, Ah just thought an alien would act... well, different."

  "I may be an alien, but I'm still using Pinkie's brain," I pointed out. At least, that was the conclusion I'd come to, for why I was acting the way I was.

  Twilight flinched at the thought, and Rarity murmured a brief consolation. Fluttershy gasped in apparent horror, covering her mouth with a hoof.

  Rainbow, however, just laughed.

  "How's that working out for ya?" she asked, snickering.  

  "Eh, it's interesting, at least." I said. "Look, why don't I just tell you my story? Maybe that will answer some questions."

  Eveypony agreed that this was an excellent idea. I asked Twilight for some snacks before I began, eliciting shudders of horror from the other ponies as I briefly described the food I'd been eating for the last few days. Before I knew it, I had a plate full of cookies, a couple slices of cake, a loaf of crispy bread, and a large salad all sitting in front of me.

  About twenty seconds later, I leaned back with a happy sigh, patting my now-full tummy in satisfaction.

  "She eats like Pinkie, too," Rainbow Dash said, looking at the empty plates in front of me with something resembling awe.

  I grinned at her, and I began to tell my story, starting with...

  Hey. Wait a minute. I just realized, where did that disguise come from?!

Okay, forget about that.

  Seriously. Forget the disguise. I don't know how it happened. I don't care how it happened! I'm just going to leave it alone for the time being, and go with the answer of "It's Pinkie Pie, and I ain't gotta explain shanything."

So, instead of worrying about that disguise, I started talking to the others about what I'd experienced so far. About how I went shopping, my tragic lack of lightbulbs, the whole looking into a mirror thing...

  Of course Twilight picked up right away on how I knew so much about them and asked me what was up with that. So, I had to explain a little about television. I explained it as a window that looked into other worlds, which isn't exactly right, but I didn't want to get into a whole discussion about cartoons and such.

  I figured it would probably freak them out if I told them that they were make-believe characters in my world. I didn't realize that the thought of aliens potentially watching their every move would freak them out as well. I had to explain that, no, we could only see them... maybe about twenty-two minutes a week, or so, and then only for about twenty-six weeks out of the year. And only when they were doing something interesting. I'm not sure how comforting they found it, really.

  Okay, but, seriously. Was I reaching into some sort of inter-dimensional storage space that Pinkie has stocked with disguises? Am I creating matter out of nothing but pure imagination?   

  They weren't really convinced. Dash's argument that a delusional Pinkie could break a Pinkie promise carried a lot of weight. I didn't despair, though, because they agreed to help me look into it, and to keep out of the hospital.

  That the doctor's behavior had definitely been a little odd was something everypony agreed on. They only had my word on the "human" thing, but every pony in the room agreed that him asking everypony but Pinkie's closest friends questions about my behavior was very strange.

  Rarity said it best when she said, "It's as if he was looking for just enough evidence to justify the rather flimsy reasoning required to keep you locked up."

  Yeah! It was exactly like that! Thanks, Rarity!

  And, besides disguises, what else would be in that inter-dimensional storage? Pinkie's diary? An endless supply of pastries? The party cannon?

  Of course, they were worried about what happened to Pinkie Pie, if this whole alien thing was true. I assured them that my world was physically pretty safe, no ravening monsters or anything, and that I had enough cash on me to buy food for a while. Assuming Pinkie stayed out of trouble, she would most likely be fine.

  They looked as doubtful about that as I felt, and I can't say that I blamed them.

  And what about those Groucho glasses? I mean, the fedora I can see, and the trenchcoat isn't too far of a stretch, but why would a pony have glasses that resembled Groucho Marx?

  Curse my rebellious brain. I didn't want to think about that!

  Anyway, we discussed a course of action and made some plans. At one point, Rainbow Dash took off, flying off to the Everfree. Her job was to stop by Zecora's and see if it was all right for me to stay there for a day or two, to keep me out of town and out of sight until Twilight could write the Princess and get her help in resolving the situation.

  And now I had to think about it again! I couldn't just walk through town, I needed to be disguised!

  I tried to retrieve my awesome disguise, and I couldn't! I didn't need it before, I was just playing a joke. And now that I actually had to have it, I had no idea how to get a hold of it again!

  I briefly considered "tapping into my inner Pinkie" again, but without a desperate need, I really wanted to hold off on doing that. I was still worried that I'd lose myself, somehow!

  Besides, are you really acting like Pinkie Pie, or just acting how you think she would act? the little voice in my head asked pointedly.

  Good point, voice in my head. Good point, indeed. I'm going to put that right up there on my list of things to try to not think about because it makes my head hurt but I will fail and think about anyway.

  Oh, that's another thing. I opted not to tell them about the voice in my head. I wouldn't want to add any more evidence to the "Pinkie is crazy!" pile, would I?

  Rarity generously (heheh) offered to get some clothing for me to disguise my very obvious, very pink self. I ended up with a frilly blue dress that covered most of my body, that had a pretty high collar that managed to hide most of my face, at least from the sides, and she topped it off with a hat that looked like a wedding cake gone mad.

  Having been a bright pink pony for the last few days meant that my male pride had already given up protesting such indignities a while ago, and it merely whimpered slightly as I put on the fru-fru garments.

  "You look divine, darling!" Rarity said, very pleased with herself.

  "Thanks, Rarity!" I said. Then, "Ouch!"

  I took one step and fell immediately on my face.

  "AAAAGH! This psycho dress is eating my legs! Gettitoff, gettitoff, gettitoff!!!" I shrieked, thrashing around in a panic and sending Fluttershy diving behind Applejack for cover.

  "Stop! You'll ruin it!" Rarity commanded. I stopped flailing my legs, embarrassed by my reaction. Rarity carefully unwrapped the gown and helped me back on my hooves.

  "Sorry," I apologized, shamefaced. "I'm not really used to walking around in dresses."

  "You ain't ever worn a dress where you're from?" Applejack asked as Fluttershy cautiously peeked around from behind her.

  "Nah. I mean, the females of my species wear dresses, sometimes, but not the males."

  "Wait, wait," Twilight said, frowning. "You're not just an alien, you're a boy alien?"

  Fluttershy reversed course and slowly hid behind AJ again.

  "Um... Yes?"

  "Ugh! This is just too weird!" Twilight said, rubbing at her temple with a hoof.

  "I know, right?" I said. "Imagine how I feel!"

  "I'd rather not," she grumped.

  "Well, I wasn't aware that I'd be putting you in drag, but you still look fabulous, darling!" Rarity said, popping up off of the floor.

  I wondered briefly what the heck Rarity had been doing down there when I noticed that she'd pinned up the hem of the killer dress a little bit, so that it wouldn't catch so easily on my hooves. Nice!

  Rainbow Dash returned shortly after that, and after she recovered from laughing herself into hysterics just from looking at me in that dress, she reported that Zecora would be only too happy to let me stay in her hut for as long as needed.

  Yay, I get to go to the creepy forest of doom!

  Fluttershy got over her shyness enough to allow me to walk back to her cottage with her, and Rarity accompanied us. To keep us company, she said, but I think it was also to keep an eye on both Fluttershy and the clothes she'd lent me.

  Walking through Ponyville in the evening was an interesting experience. Ponies were closing up shop, chatting to one another casually, and generally winding down. It was a different kind of energy than you saw during the day, much more serene.

  Fluttershy and Rarity walked on either side of me like a pair of colorful fuzzy bookends while I glanced around excitedly. I won't kid you, even after all that had happened, I was still really excited to be in Ponyville! If I weren't stuck in Pinkie's body being chased by a needle-happy lunatic, I'd be thrilled to just spend days here, wandering around and looking at stuff. It's all so awesome!

  "Pinkie, stop that!" Rarity hissed at me suddenly, breaking my pony-zen. "You're drawing attention!"

  "Stop what?" I asked, honestly confused.

  "You're... um... bouncing," Fluttershy said.

  Oh, yeah... whoops! I was totally doing the Pinkie bounce as we walked down the road. That would explain some of the stares, I guess. And the drafty feeling under the dress. And the way the buildings kept going up and down. Way to be subtle, guy!

  I concentrated on walking more sedately through town, though I couldn't wipe the grin off of my face.

  "You certainly seem happy to be here," Rarity said. "I'm not sure why, it's just the same old Ponyville."

  "That's just it, though. It's Ponyville! You have no idea! I mean, I would see this place on TV all the time, but to actually be here, that's so super-incredible I can barely stand it!"

  Rarity looked at me like I was crazy.

  "It's just Ponyville," she pointed out. "Now, if you were talking about Canterlot..."

  I froze in place, thinking Oooh. Canterlot! While I was here I should totally go and see...

  Okay, no, I told myself. No getting side-tracked. No going sight-seeing! I had to fix this! Remember the plan! We're on step 3, "Fix everything", remember?

  We resumed our trip, and we reached Fluttershy's little cottage thing pretty quickly. And, I don't know what to tell you, guys. It was definitely her cottage, and it looked just like I expected... but... well, it kind of smelled bad! Like a barnyard, even though I'd never been in a barnyard, so I don't really know what it smells like. But I imagine that it would smell a lot like this!

  "It's... lovely," I said, trying not to gag at the smell of all the animals, who were apparently doing their animal business all over the well-fertilized yard.

  Mental note: Step cautiously in this vicinity!

  "Thank you," Fluttershy said with a smile.

  Okay, it was worth smelling that just to see that smile. It was so... I dunno. Heartwarming. I just wanted to hug her. I wanted to retch at the smell. I wanted to get inside, because it hopefully smelled less terrible in there!

  So, we went inside, which indeed smelled a lot better, though the smell of animal fur and feathers was just as strong. Hey, I just realized! Pinkie Pie doesn't have any allergies! If that had been my human body, I'd have been lying on the floor with my eyes swollen shut, gasping for breath!

  Of course, if I were in my human body, I'd probably be back home, and I wouldn't have to worry about it.

  There were tons of animals all hanging around in Fluttershy's cottage, peeking out of little birdhouses and dens and holes in the walls and such. It seemed they were shy of visitors. I saw all sorts of animals, some I didn't even recognize (hey, I'm not a nature guy! I even hate camping!). Why, Fluttershy even had a tiny little alligator! Just like... hey, wait a minute...

  "Gummy!" I said, truly happy. I trotted over to him and tried to pet him, and he bit me on the leg. "You took him?" I asked Fluttershy.

  "Oh, um... Yes." she said, looking down and tracing her hoof in circles on the floor. "I hope that's okay?"

  "Of course it's okay!" I told her. "I was so super worried about him! Thank you for taking care of him while I was... well, locked up."

  "Oh, it's no bother," she said, smiling again.

  D'aww!

  "Here, let's get you out of that dress," Rarity said, levitating Gummy off of my leg.

  "Why, Rarity! So forward!" I said, fluttering my eyes at her.

  She stopped, looking surprised, and then glared at me.

  "Stop that," she commanded. And then she used her telekinesis to start removing the frilly thing.

  "Oh no!" I play-shrieked. "You mustn't! No, not here, not in front of Fluttershy! Rarity! Bad touch! Eeeek! Not the petticoats, too? Ah, you don't need to be so aggressive! Think of all the little innocent animals, forced to watch!"

  Through it all, Rarity's face just turned deeper and deeper shades of red, though I'm sure that was more in anger than embarrassment. Fluttershy was... actually giggling a little. Yay! I made Fluttershy laugh! Totally worth the telekinetic swat Rarity gave me once she got me out of the dress.

  "Can I keep the hat?" I asked, pointing at that ridiculous white thing still perched on my head. Rarity lifted if off without a word. "Aww..."

  "Honestly, I feel like the only sane pony sometimes," Rarity said grumpily, though I think I caught the quirk of a hidden smile as she turned away to put the hat in the box she'd brought along with us.

  Fluttershy gave me a spare set of saddlebags, which she'd stuffed with food and a water bottle. They weren't sending me off into the wilds empty-hooved, which made me very happy! We went back outside, and Fluttershy showed me the path I had to walk.

  "Now, if you get going right away, and stick to the path, you should get to Zecora's before the sun completely sets," Fluttershy said. "Are you sure you don't want to spend the night? The forest is much safer in the daylight."

  "I'm sure I'll be fine," I said. As much as I adored Fluttershy, spending the night in a zoo sounded... less than fun. "After all, Applebloom goes to visit Zecora all the time, right? And I'm a grown up pony with the mind of a human! I'm absolutely positive I'll be okay!"

  She looked doubtful, but gave me a goodbye hug. Rarity did, too, apparently having recovered from the whole dress thing.

  "Now, you be careful," she said.

  "Don't worry, I'll be just fine!" I told her.

  I started walking down the path and ten minutes later I was running for my life from a manticore.

  "Aaaaaagh!" I yelled, terrified, running full out.

  Something twitched on my body, and I felt the sudden urge to dodge left. I did so, and the manticore plunged to the ground where I had been standing a moment before. Snarling, it shook itself off and charged after me again.

  It was really getting dark, now, and the path was getting harder to see. That's probably why I tripped over a root and went sprawling. The manticore growled, and stalked menacingly towards me.

  I know what you're probably thinking, because I was thinking it too: If I got Pinkie's body eaten, she'd never forgive me!

  It was then that a cloud of green cloud of something enveloped the manticore. It yelped, then ran away, leaving my backside thoroughly ungobbled.

  "It was a fortunate thing that I came by," said my rescuer. "The ponies would not be happy, if you were to die."

  Zecora! Oh, I'd never been so happy to see a zebra in my entire life! She helped me up, I thanked her, and she basically told me "no problem", except in rhyme.

  The walk to her hut was, like, the most anti-climactic thing ever, so I won't even bother telling you about it.  